All About Flatulence: The Fart Hub

Yes, you read the title right! Why is it that just men can get a kick out of farting? It's a natural and daily activity for everyone on this planet, whether we admit it or not. Whether you are proud of your flatulence or feel that you have to blame the stench on unsuspecting victims around you, we might as well lighten up and take a humorous look at the revolting yet gut-splitting (literally sometimes) world of farts.

Warning: If you're easily offended or grossed out, do us all a favor and skip this hub.

Doesn't everyone know what the SBD is? It's the Silent But Deadly. You know those little wispy puffs of air that float out your rear-end in the middle of an office meeting? Or maybe you're standing in line at the grocery store and you figure, "Oh well, it's not like they'll know it's me anyways..." Let me correct you there...I can usually tell immediately if someone in the grocery store line lets out a gnarly SBD in my general direction. I think we moms have a tendency to pick up on scents, both good and bad. Why is it that when we let out an SBD somewhere and then run, we find it extremely entertaining on all levels but when someone else makes us their unfortunate Silent But Deadly victim? Well, we get that classic look on our faces like we're going to puke and throw 'bows at someone all in the same moment. I know the sense of smell is supposed to be a way in which to help us taste our food and identify certain environments and effects, but seriously...sometimes I think I could do without it! Especially when someone's SBD smells like a disease-infested rodent crawled up their poop chute and died.

My favorite fart of all time has to be the Duck Call, hands down. The Duck Call variety of fart sounds just like its name...like a duck belting out a mating call. It's that funny feeling fart that vibrates and makes your two buttcheeks clap in a thunderous applause. If you let one of these bad boys rip in public, you usually try to blame it on the squeaky seat that you're sitting on, the squeaky wheel on the grocery cart, or your un-slicked shoe squeaking on the floor. You know you've eaten something bad when your farts are untamable duck calls!

This is never a good time for the farter...nor for the fartee. Trouble in a pair of drawers...

The Shart. This is the most dreaded and embarrassing of the fart species. What is the Shart exactly? For the flatulence amateurs - to put it lightly, a fart gone wrong...and wet.

This is usually when your friends or bystanders tell you to "DUDE! You need to check your pants after that one!"

And remember, it's even worse if you're in the tub! This would begin another topic of floaters...

And last but surely not least on the fart Richter scale is the type that I like to call the Explosives. This is the type of fart that makes the people of Hawaii run for cover from a dangerous and exploding volcano! The kind that makes your whole body shake, but you feel totally relieved after this threatening beast has left your body. This is when you know you need to lay off the beans.

How can you tell if a woman is wearing pantyhose? If she farts, her ankles swell.

Laugh and the world laughs with you; fart and they'll stop laughing.

When to fart:
1. Bosses office as you are about to leave - best to make sure it's silent but violent.
2. In a bathroom.
3. In the cashiers line - it's bound to speed things up.
4. The empty elevator before you get off.
5. Beside an occupied dressing room - no doubt it'll quickly become unnocupied.

A skeleton was trying to fart in a crowded place but in the end it couldn't because it had no guts.

ENVIRONMENTALIST : Farts regularly but is concerned about the pollution

What is the sharpest thing in the world? A Fart; It goes through your pants and doesn't even leave a hole.